Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
