he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
