you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
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Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize