am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
