He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just want to make out with him forever
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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