Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
