the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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