Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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