I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
