It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
