I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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