GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
