guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
no, he came in my armpit
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
