can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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