Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
His hands were made for my vagina.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize