Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Randomize
