There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
