Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
