Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
