well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
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Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
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Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize