2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
worst night to have a conscience
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You're like the curious george of whores
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
