i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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