Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
