I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
