OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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