I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
