Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
