my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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