Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
