Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
