I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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