I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
