Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
