My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
