I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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