I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
