John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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