Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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