I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
