At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
