he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize