It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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