he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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