just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
