You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
