He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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