I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my shit smells like andre
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
