I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Sober January is a disaster.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
