i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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