Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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