whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
