Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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