Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
