I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
