This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
