You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
