I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
