hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
