He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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