Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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