Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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