Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
