Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
