I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
