i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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