Whod you bang
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
