there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
where are you?
Hypothermia
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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