i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
