That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
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After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
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I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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