Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
