i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
