i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
